So, I’m working late last night, (sorry I haven’t blogged in so long…it’s been hard to find something positive to say and I can’t stand so many downers – it’s been very hard lately) and Lulu starts crying. I go in and she is miserable. I thought “maybe she caught a cold.” She had a little fever, so I stopped working and crawled in bed with her. (She just got her “big girl bed” for starting to go potty in the potty – yes, even through cancer, you still have to potty train – not fair! She gets worse. Then, the flashback. She sits up in bed, grabs her head a starts screaming “Mommy, my head!!!! My head!!!! It hurts so bad!!!” “What, baby girl??” She is screaming about the pain in her head…I’ve been here before…as a matter of fact… on Oct.29th. (What 2 year old does this???) I hold her…she tries to lay down and screams “my head!!!!!!” We make it to the morning, and I call her pediatrician (Noah’s as well.) She says come as soon as you can. Lulu stands in the kitchen…seems better. Then, grabs her head, once again “Mommy, my head!!!! We get in the car.
We get to the doctors office…I’m still together…praying like crazy. Normally, we sneak in the back door of the pediatrician’s office…as to not expose Noah to anything. This time, in the front door…there were no children in the waiting room, so we sat in the “Sick Child Area.” I explain that this is Noah’s sister…blah, blah, blah. Then Lulu jumps off my lap, grabs her head a screams “MY HEAD MOMMY!!!!!!” I grab her saying “Landin, Landin!!!” She stops - stares at me and starts projectile vomiting all over the office. (Guess What… this exactly what Noah did in our kitchen.) I lost it!!!! We were covered …at least a 5ft radius pool! I froze like a deer!!!! We are sopping wet and I’m in shock. I call Dennis and he bursts into tears at the flashback.
Now…the Doctor (whom we love) checks her for strep and everything. Tells me a stomach flu is going around and she will probably be throwing up all day. (She only did once…just like Noah… in the morning…text book.) Lulu’s tests are all negative. I am freaking out!!!
We go to Arnold Palmer for an MRI. Unbelievable de je vous!!!! Landin is talking about her eyes. “Mommy, my eyes are wiggly”… “Baby girl, what do you mean?”… “Mommy… my eyes are all wiggly” Dennis and I look at each other in the rear view mirror. (All, I can think about is Baby Charli.) I call Dr. Smith (and poor Emily – relaying messages – I love you Emily – thank you!!!!) She tells me what to do. Dr. Levy is amazing – a wonderful man and doctor! Except… I told him I was sick of him meeting my children this way!! We wait for a “haste MRI” to see Lulu’s ventricles. (This is a non radiation MRI, that is really fast.) We go in at 12:30 and are there until 6:00.
We sit and wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. She is playing and is fine…just like Noah was.
As the nurse comes to get us for the MRI, my head is spinning. The same hallways, the same waiting room, then the same MRI room. We walk in. I can’t stop remembering. I lay my baby girl on the table, they strap her head in and we look at each other through “the mirror” (a rear view mirror that you can only see their eyes.) I stretch into the MRI machine, just like with Noah. Her eyes are flashing between Noah’s eyes… I have to keep smiling…just like I did with Noah… keep smiling, keep smiling, keep smiling,…my baby…my Noah..my Landin…everything’s ok. She is frozen still … just like Noah. I almost passed out. Satan…you are NOT TAKING MY CHILDREN!!!!!
We sit and wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. She plays. Just Like Noah.
Dennis and I are done. We tell the nurse “Go find someone!!!” The attending comes in… everything looks ok. Dennis and I almost pass out. Dr Smith still needs to see them, but so far so good. Again, we come home shaking after another de je vous day.
(We are still shaking.)
June 1st – Noah’s MRI. Please Pray!!!!
Dear Heavenly Father, please let this always remain negative. Please let us have another negative MRI on Tuesday; please remove a of the bad cells from Noah’s body, forever. Dear Lord, please forgive us for our sins and please help our family. We know that through You all things are possible. satan is always trying. he will not be let in nor be entertained for a moment. We are in Your hands Lord; You are in control. We ask these things in Jesus name, Amen.